Visit to My Dad

This is my first blogger post.

Last weekend, Janet, Johansen and I went to visit my 82-year-old Dad, Ng Sui Koon, who is living with our friends, Richard and Susie P, in Hemet. My Dad has dementia or early Alzheimer's disease. My Mom has been taking care of him for the last 4-5 years and his condition has progressively declined until she could not handle him any longer. Then when we went to Malaysia to celebrate Josiah and Kim's wedding on June 28, Mom decided to let Dad stay with Richard and Susie. So Dad has been there since May 24, 2009.

This is my first visit to see Dad. He appeared withdrawn at first: eyes closed, refusing to speak, not smiling, sitting in his recliner without movement, other than putting his left hand behind his neck. I guess he had a neck ache from sitting so long. At first seeing him, I was afraid that he was not able to move. We urged him to join us for the evening meal. He reluctantly stood up with help from Richard and Susie. Shuffling to the table, he finally sat down. He refused to eat, eyes closed, just sitting like a stature in a museum. We had delicious food: rice, mock duck, pak choi and fruits. Dad just refused to eat. So the five of us ate and enjoyed our food. After 30 minutes, I put a few cherries on his plate. He took one cherry and began to chew on it. Then the flood gates opened. He began to eat cherry after cherry. Then he started on the other fruits. He just ate fruit after fruit, avoiding other foods. Wow! he reminded me of the time we went to a salad buffet, Ponderosa, in Singapore, in the mid-80's, about a quarter of a century ago, when we had a competition to see who could eat the most plates of food. My Dad won with FIVE plates of food.

That evening we went for a walk. I had read somewhere that in a study with Alzheimer's patience, walking 45 minutes 3 times a week had significantly reversed the condition; so I was determined to help my Dad begin to walk. A month before, when my sister Annabel had visited Dad, she was so afraid when he went into depression and even refused to get out of his bed. I think he missed my Mom and even when she called from Malaysia, he refused to move. So to have my Dad be willing to walk with me was incredible progress. So now I had Johansen walk with his grandpa and let our little Terrier-Chihuahua dog, Jack, come along on a retractable leash. Well, Dad was holding on to Johansen as well as holding the leash. Jack was pulling Dad and almost made him stumble. Dad at the beginning of the walk was going less than 1 mph, a very slow shuffle. With Jack's tugging, he managed to increase his cadence to almost 2 steps per second and I saw that he was struggling and ready to get towed over with Jack and so quickly rescued him from Jack. We walked about 1/4 mile in 25 minutes that evening. Richard and Susie helped him get ready for bed. The next day for breakfast Dad was even smiling and eating with gusto and enthusiasm. We celebrated his birthday 2 weeks early using some yam cakes from Taiwan as his birthday cake. We had bought this in Taipei on June 18 at Taipei International Airport on transit from LAX to KL. Dad was happy. After breakfast I took him for a walk again. I guess we overdid it, for Dad had to rest twice, by sitting on the grass of two neighbors. It was a 45-minute walk about 1/2 a mile I think. The next time I visit Dad, I'll bring the GPS to ascertain the distance. Anyway we reluctantly said good-bye to Dad around 11 AM and left my Dad with Richard and Susie. I gave him a kiss on both cheeks and told him that I loved him very much. I wonder if he will remember our visit?

I put a post on facebook and got some responses from Daniel Lim and Lucy Conn Peters as follows:

Dan Lim at 6:38pm July 12
Congrats to him! I wish to see him again. I recall him praying with us when a group of us from KL went down to SAUC (Southeast Asia Union College, Singapore) right after our O levels. He spoke for us before the college president and we were allowed to take classes before our results were out. Your dad is great man of God!

Lucy posted something on your Wall and wrote:

"Hi Andy! Thank you for accepting me as a friend. It's to hear good about your Dad. What a man of faith is your father. I had speech class from him in SAUC. God bless him richly on his 83rd birthday. You are indeed a wonderful son to him. How are you and your wife? It's been so long since I've you folk. Best regards to you and your family."

Another post from Eileen Soriton:

Eileen made a comment about your link:

"hi Andy - you did a great thing for your dad there. i remember him as our neighbour in Singapore and the gardening class we used to have with him at the back of the workshop. i remember he used to do all sorts of things like make his own yogurt (so ahead of his time! :)) and grow mushrooms. lots of love to him and the rest of the family x"


So my Dad has students that remember him with gratitude. He was student advocate, spiritual example and my hero. I love you Dad and hope that you will improve from your dementia or at the least not get too worse, too soon.

Happy 83rd birthday, Dad.